It’s one of those places where legend, myth, and rumor are astonishingly accurate. It’s one of those places that everyone has heard about but few have entered. The Tunnel is like a time warp to a 1969 Ken Kesey darkroom.
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At least one of the bartenders has gotta recognize you and greet you with a high five. One must rock out on the catwalk for several consecutive songs for several consecutive weekends. Home of the Brave: calling this place your home really does require certain rites of passage. So now you’ve got a nice smorgasbord of flamboyant guys, shirtless muscle hunks, sexed-up girls (who swing both ways), trannies, well-meaning drug monkeys, and your average John Doe and Mary Smiths. As soon as hetero girls enter the picture, the hetero predators come drooling in packs. Story goes that the music was electrifying enough to slowly reel in the straight crowd. Amerika used to be a predominately gay club a decade or so ago. Save it and it’ll get you a discount when you go Friday or Saturday (unless the cashier is in a douche-baggy mood).
GAY BAR SEX ACROBATICS FREE
*TIP: Upon entering or leaving you’ll receive a card for a free Thursday or Sunday entrance. A small tip can go a long way if the bar is crowded. This gives you free reign to consume anything bottom shelf that salivates the taste buds. On Fridays and Saturdays (the only days one should go) prices will usually 70 pesos ($18 USD).
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Since we’re all Brits, Irish, Scots, Aussies, New Zealanders, Americans (do Canadians drink?), etc, there’s nothing like a reasonable flat fee, all you can drink. Security is more worried about weapons (which are NEVER brought) than an increased dose of smiling. No need to be paranoid about those two joints in your cigarette pack or those pills in your purse.
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The only queue is behind the register, which usually amounts to the time it takes McDonald’s to get you a cheeseburger. No ritzy, tortoise-paced line outside either. You can go as anything from sexy Bilbo with a dildo to Joe Blow with sneakers and Amerika will welcome you. In fact, Joey would probably get some snickers from most attendees. Land of the free: you don’t have to be Joey Defiglione sporting a Gucci getup to get inside. Unlike its oil-guzzling Leviathan counterpart to the North, this Amerika is a much more accurate representation of what our forefathers imagined. Nothing rings truer than Amerika: land of the free, home of the brave.